Wherein Upper Management is a Tiny Party Hat for My Behind
Behold the published agenda for my department's next "All Hands" meeting:
Introduction - Department Director and Department Vice President (30 minutes)
Work Simple Session - VP of Work Simple Department (2 hours)
Strategic Direction - Department Director (45 minutes)
Demand & Delivery - Director of ... Some acronym nobody can expand for me. (1 hour)
Now, from the top:
I'm sorry, but it shouldn't take thirty minutes of my life to say "Hello, I'm the director of this department, and this guy here is my boss, and we're going to tell you some important stuff." Even though they're lying about the "important" part, it shouldn't take them half an hour to do it.
Work simple? Look, lady, if you really were an expert in "work simple", I doubt you would need two hours to break it down to us. Here's a better idea: Assume that as rational human beings, we're already working about as simply as we possibly can. You know what would make my work simpler? Less pointless meetings, and more managers shutting up and simplifying the policies that make my work so complicated in the first place.
I used to pay attention to "strategic direction". But then I realized that nobody ever bothered to make any kind of concrete connection between the company's overall strategy and my day-to-day work. So now I just show up every day, do my job, and go home. If what I do contributes to the strategy of the company, fine. Do I care? No. As far as I can tell, nobody else cares, either. You know what I would like to see? Forty-five minutes of talk about the Department's tactical direction.
I think "Demand and Delivery" is some new ultra-complicated purchasing-managment policy. Not really the kind of thing I or my peers should have to worry about. I mean, I don't have signature authority over any of the company's funds. I can't make purchases. I don't cut, review, or sign off on POs. I'm not allowed to receive goods and services on my own authority. There's no way I need to give up even one hour of my life to hear about this.
Bottom line: I will not be spending over three hours of my life sitting on my ass listening to idiots tell me huge piles of useless information. If I'm going to be paid to not do my job, I'd prefer to do it at home, in my boxers, watching X-Files episodes on Netflix. Which, now that I think about it, seems like a pretty good way to spend Friday, June 17th, from 1:00 to 5:00 PM.